I have to go potty

While we were camping Espen wore a one peice long john/thermal type of outfit under his clothes.  Late at night, in the cold, he announced that he had to go potty. I told Jeremy to take him since apparently it was a poop situation. Jeremy asked about Espen's little long johns.

Me: There's a flap for that

Jeremy: Is that the new app for iPoop?

Ahahahahh!

Paddington Bear

Me: (addressing an envelope) Pennington, Pennington
Jeremy: Is that where the bear is from?
Me: Babe, that's Paddington.
Jeremy: Well not, while they were waiting for him to be made...then he was Pennington, Pendington Bear.


Hey, he tried.

Hey now, wait a minute Mr. Post Man

If you know Jeremy & I then you know that we like to come up with movie ideas. Almost all of which could star Will Farrell.

Our latest, not only could make an amazing Oscar worthy movie but also paved the way for one of Jeremy's best 'play on words' to date.

A charismatic, yet scheming politician is campaigning to be the next President. A major part of his campaign is that he promises to bring the US Postal Service back to what it once was. He gets the support of the postal workers and the rest of the country and wins the race. A year into his term a scandal ensues and he is impeached. With his name synonomis with scum and no retirement checks from the government he is forced to find a 'job'. Disguised as an 'average joe' a manager of a post office hires him on as a postman. It turns out he is REALLy good at this job, he knows everyone on his route by name, 'hey Jim, how's the wife, is Bobby still on honor roll' type of stuff. Everyone on his route loves him, not knowing his true identity. He loves his job. One of the families on his route has a sick child and is in need of money to help with 'an operation' so he puts an ad up on the bulletin board in his post office and takes out an ad in the local paper: Send a dollar to 123 ABC Street and help a sick child. The neighborhood responds, the whole thing goes viral. People are mailing dollars to this family from all across the country. The child has the operation and is healthier than ever. Everyone is happy. The Postal Service begins crunching numbers. A huge increase in stamp sales puts the Postal Service back in the green and they realize...it was from everyone mailing dollars to the sick child, an idea brought about by the 'post man/disguised ex-president'. The president, feeling a sense of purpose in life decides to come forward as the ex-president, but continues his job as a post man. The nation once again loves him.

All right, so what's the title of this movie.

Imagine if you will, me on the couch, it's late, the lights are off. I ask Jeremy what's the title? As he slips off into the dark hallway, without missing a beat he says...

Jeremy: Post-Presidency

Effiing GENIUS.

Patch

Did anyone else have a major crush on Steve "Patch" Johnson on Days of Our Lives and did anyone else cry their eyes out 20 years ago when Patch was poisoned which ended the days of his life (I had to).
Well, I remember him (and wouldn't you know in true Soap Opera form, 16 years later, Patch was ALIVE and back at it in Salem) and I will always remember him. He was HOT. Patch or no patch!

So, Jeremy and I were leaving Fresh & Easy this morning when we saw a disheveled old man in front of the 99cent store. I immediately thought of "Patch", pulled up his photo on my phone and began to tell Jeremy about his character and the love I had for him till he met his untimely death.

Jeremy: Was this Patch guy shot?
Me: No, he drove his car off a cliff or something
Jeremy: (In his 'movie trailer voice over' voice) Stay tuned to Days of Our Lives, will Patch be prepared for his final 'act'cident?

Yep, that was a good one.

Church Lady

I was explaining to Jeremy about a new feature for the Twins and Co. website called Spatial Match. I told him about all the ins and outs and how it works. His response:
"Well, isn't that spatial"
...there you have it.

great minds

Um, seriously. Almost a month ago I wrote about our iPhone app idea that was a tazer for you phone and today Jeremy forwarded me this...


http://stunfone.com/


It's an effing stungun attachment for your freaking iPhone. Are you kidding me! Too funny.

Off-putting...

Jeremy was telling me about a girl he knows...

Jeremy: She's still off-putting
Me: So, she just stopped eating it all together?
Jeremy: What? Huh?
Me: (cracking up) Pudding! She's off of pudding?!!! She stopped eating pudding??!!!

Hahahahah. So lame, but so funny.

zap!

Jeremy and I were at AZ88 tonight enjoying our last childless night  when Jeremy said something that I thought was silly...so I began to tease him...he pretended his iPhone was a tazer and zapped my neck. We thought the idea of a tazer iPhone app would be awesome.

me: There's a zap for that...

he's not the only one...

I honestly wasn't even trying to be punny but man, when this came out of my mouth and I realized it was a play on words I lost it...literally slapped my knee, I thought it was that funny.

Jeremy: Those miners are still trapped in Chile

Me: Oh, I'm sure they're just having a blast

the storm

Jeremy and I were just talking about all of the dents that we got on the hoods of our cars from the storm on Tuesday afternoon.

Jeremy: It was a hail of a storm.

so, i like sauce.

I am a sauceaholic. Seriously, I love sauces. Jeremy told me once that food is just a vehicle for me to get more sauce. I devoured a 16 oz bottle of the Schiracha from Fresh & Easy in just a couple of weeks & when Jeremy bought more the other day I couldn't wait to eat it on anything and everything.

So Tuesday night I drenched my left over Popper Burger from Four Peaks in yummy hot sauce. Jalapenos AND Schriacha, heaven. 

Me: Do you think I could live on sauces alone? 

Jeremy: It's saucible.

....and that's how it goes.

birthday pun, i mean, fun.

Today is our punny man's 32nd birthday. Happy birthday my love.

Me: (finishing filing my nails)

Jeremy: BAM!

Me: What is this an infomercial?

Jeremy: Ya, for Emery!

Get it? Emery board...Emirel. Emirel Lagasse. Right. OK.

this is normal...

After smushing a bug with his shoe in the bathroom which lead to a white gooey mess that made me almost throw up Jeremy said: I bet he won't have the guts to come in here anymore. (Apparently this is an oldie but goodie, I had never heard it before)


While watching a show on Egypt Jeremy said: That Muhamad Ali Mosque in Cairo is quite a knock-out...followed up with: On the list of the best Mosques in the world it was a real contender.


And after I read him a description of a condo that said it has 'plantation shutters' Jeremy said: Don't be a slave to the sun (Nice, I know.)

poke-a-nose

Espen has been plying with Moon Sand for the last 20 minutes. He normally starts off doing the usual Moon Sand things, making blocks, smushing it into molds and driving his toy cars through it. After a while though he starts to act a little spastic with the 'sand'...


Espen: (putting his face in the moon sand)
Jeremy: HEY! Stop poking your fae in there, you're going to get Poconos!


Zing.

Tom & Jeremy

I'd say that almost everything in our home has been carefully chosen...from our furnishings to knick knacks to art and certainly our dinnerware. That being said, there is one cup on our shelves that doesn't fit. I did not have anything to do with it finding it's way into our home and it's typically only relagated to Espen's use for milk. The cup in question is a rocks glass with Tom & Jerry on it. Seriously, why do we have this glass.
I cracked open a bottle of wine tonight and Jeremy cracked open his mouth with a pun to wedge in the conversation.
Me: (grabs Tom & Jerry glass, quickly puts glass back on shelf) I am not drinking wine out of the Tom & Jerry glass, I know no one else is here but seriously, I can't do it.
Jeremy: Yes, that would be very animated of you.
Bada bummm.

Here's the deal...

If you live with Jeremy, like I do (I don't think anyone else does, I'm not sure...well, there's Espen, our son)  or have spent enough time with him then you know that they guy is a die hard fan of the pun, a master of the play on words. I'd say on average he's succeeds 98% of the time and when he does I think it's super funny...partly because I can see it in his face that he's putting together the perfect pun and also because they are just plain funny.

Every time he does one I crack up and think to myself, 'I need to write these down' and so that is what I am going to do...
Welcome to He's So Punny.